Subvolcanic Sharks Unable to Barf

It is physically impossible for sharks to vomit while submerged under lava. This astounding new insight into the lives of subvolcanic sharks is the result of intense research and long-running experiments, says S. Hark of the Institute for Volcanic Ichtiology. Sharks of different varieties have been exposed to sub-lava conditions for different periods of time. Even after consuming copious amounts of emetics, no shark has been found to have vomited. S. Hark claims that these new data will revolutionize the way we think about, well, a lot of things.